The rebound that came from the ashes and stole my heart.

There wasn't a plan, all Hope knew was that she wasn't happy with her current boyfriend John, her dog had died in her arms only a month earlier, so when the opportunity to jump back in production and work outside of the house fell into her lap she leaped. Something told her, deep down, to jump on this opportunity. She signed on immediately not knowing that like a tornado, this project would take her life on the wildest ride and not let go til it was through.  Dean was part of this. Day one, they met hand and hand, he was tall, looked fresh out of a hipster catalog with a handlebar mustache and beard, he corrected her spelling of his name and she instantly thought, that second, "oh those types of guys never go for me." She didn't have a feeling in the world for him. She just gravitated towards him at each meeting, she always sat behind him. Pat on the other hand sparked her interest right away. He was deep, had strong eyes and a sweet smile. She felt something about him right away. As shooting went on it seemed that Pat would never ask her out, she was frustrated, in the background her relationship of years and years was crumbling, she released it. She was caught up in fun and laughter and young people abound. One day in the parking lot Dean was showing her some his yoga moves via a skateboard, she thought what a wild guy, she secretly was waiting for Pat to walk out.
Anyway as time went on there was more and more fast feelings for Dean, hot nights, wild days, thanksgivings and holidays, he was pure love, wild fire, and she knew it. She hung and clung so tight to it, not wanting to get off the wild ride....it bruised her and battered her, and kicked her, she felt higher than she had in years....the sex was so deep and passionate her heart bleed near him. She clung to him, needed him near, she took pills and wine and all the things you need to hang on. She felt the love caccon when She was left battered and broken. It's weird when you know something is over, the last kiss, the last time you'll look at someone, the last time they write on your wall, or text message.....it's bound to hurt like a hundred stones thrown into your chest, you fall down on the ground you, feel kicked, battered and bruised, you curse karma, and anyone else who got in your way, you cry, you fight, you kick, you swear death is a cure, you can't understand why the other doesn't feel the same, they are busy. You are lame. You wonder if this blanket of pain will ever lift off of you. You wonder why you made a million wrong decisions, fuck. I want to stay so positive, that I have been guided to leave..This makes me feel like shit thou. I want him and now I realize that any glimmer of hope has gone, I wasn't worth it to him. He would rather live alone, or get a dog, or some new young woman.... who knows.....guess once he saw that period string and that I shaved my arms, had a pimple all those dam things, tipped the scale. I left, I ran away back down here to what? To what? I scream to the top of the universe. My dam physic said he was my soulmate and not to worry or care.... to make him come to me....well thats not happening. Feels like he might already forget me by tomorrow. What a shame. I need to pray to move on. I need my own career hustling and bustling.
AMEN. Keep the faith. He was my Ex. I will cry til I can't cry anymore than I will stand up and get on my feet and walk forward as whole. You might never text me again. you might never see me again, and I just have to be ok with life. That's life. Just learn to roll with it and move on. My career is what I need. It comes in waves but now it sparks again. it feels ill I'm so sad. Why do I keep running for all the wrong things. dear god guide me straight to what is right for me. let me follow my heart fuck! A million hearts have been broken on this planet. Whats one more?

Introduction

Some people's lives are straight lines. They take each step, stone by stone, easily gliding into the next stage of their lives, tasks at hand all mapped out, whether by circumstance or by plain force of nature or luck. Sure they get their heartache or take a slight misstep once in a while but their course is always redirected along that straight and narrow path. Others, like 30-year-old, Hope had a harder lot. Now, Hope had been given alot in her life, a college education, opportunities to see the world and a good run of work in the exciting field of Television, in the even more exciting city of Los Angeles, however Hope was a fragmented person. She had chard's of herself sticking out at every turn. When she did one thing another thing would tug at her heart strings, when she found a groove, that groove with collide with a brick wall and stop her dead in her tracks.

The year the X started showing up in her life, it was almost as if her path had just about had it with all the dead ends and roundabouts, she sure couldn't make sense of what was to come around any turn. Her heart was tested, her resolve was worn down to thread bare, and the fog of despair had hit it's all time highest point. To understand what happened next you have to look back at how she got there.

Over the course of the next several posts we will learn how the year of the X came to be and how it transformed her from a pathless wanderer to a leader of paths.